The Public Server
Be Moved to Matter
A Sentientist’s Approach to Mental Health, And How to Remain Sane in a World Gone Mad
Consider Everything. Trust Nobody. Reach Your Own Conclusions.
The Public Server exists to share insights, perspectives & ideas inspired to challenge everything you think you know about everything you’ve been told, taught, and brainwashed into believing.
Every week we’ll invade your inbox with some thought-provoking content, designed to leave you questioning precisely what is truly real, and what is really true.
We grow up not actually considering — nor properly engaging with — aspects of our reality that, although seemingly trivial, can have a profound impact on our mental health, wellbeing and self-esteem.
Only by scrutinising the narrative, thinking deeply about our lives, opening our eyes, and following reason, evidence & empathy, can we ever hope or dream or expect to escape mediocrity, discover our purpose, and ultimately achieve the state of excellence we had envisioned for our futures!
Join us in challenging the status quo, in asking the difficult questions, in discovering the facts, in rejecting the nonsense, in refusing to tolerate the unreasonable demands of a loud & deluded majority, and in reclaiming our sanity amidst the chaos of a dysfunctional world.
WHAT IF WE TOLD YOU:
1) That your fears, insecurities and limiting beliefs could be traced back to your childhood?
2) That, at some point, you had convinced yourself life would just be easier if you adopted a persona that would be well-received by the majority of people, most of the time?
3) And that, in order to be able to move your life forward in any positive, meaningful way, you are going to have to ‘go back‘ and ‘unlearn‘ many of the harmful narratives, perspectives, beliefs and values picked up while you were still a kid (during the ‘formative years)?
You can only truly become ‘your (authentic) self‘ once you finally let go of the avatar you created to avoid conflict, confrontation and humiliation in your life.
Would you consider yourself a generally quiet, shy and introverted person; a people-pleaser, push over & doormat? Are you drifting through life without a purpose – lost, confused, lonely, depleted of energy and lacking self-esteem? Are you extremely risk-averse? Do you shut down or close off when presented with conflict, confrontation or humiliation? Do you empathise with others to the point of taking their pain on as yours? Does just ‘being yourself‘ feel more like ‘being the person other people would like you to be‘? Do you feel trapped in an inauthentic life lived on other people’s terms?
Don’t feel bad if this describes you, and it all seems very ‘doom & gloom‘. Many introverted personalities resonate with the paragraph above, and we all have the capacity to turn our lives around.
The Public Server exists as your resource to overcoming the conditions resulting in a life filled with anxiety, stress, depression, fear and uncertainty (as such relates to the ‘self‘).
The advice ‘just be yourself‘ doesn’t really help the introvert like us, because doing so is currently impossible.
The further into adulthood we have neglected to properly think about our circumstances and, more specifically, ‘who we are as a person‘ as well as ‘what outcomes we desire from our life‘, the more difficult it is going to be to unlearn the brainwashing of our childhood.
However, this is also not impossible.
This may all sound a little bit ‘conspiratorial‘, but if you are unhappy with the quality of your life – despite many desperate, failed attempts to alter this state of affairs – it is highly likely that a massive culprit of this is the mere fact of ‘growing up inauthentically‘ and adopting beliefs, values, limitations and identities that were not truly your own.
Now you are left in this awful position – young adult, middle-aged or perhaps even into your senior years – of having to go back and find the person you left behind when you started living someone else’s life.
Only once we tap into our subconscious mind, and then reprogram the negative thoughts, feelings and limiting beliefs we adopted during childhood (integrated into our lives, as well as accepted as incontrovertible truths well into adulthood), can we begin to heal ourselves, accept ourselves, love ourselves, stand up for ourselves, and eventually become our ideal future selves.
ONLY THROUGH REASON, RATIONALITY AND A FACTUAL UNDERSTANDING OF REALITY CAN WE TRANSCEND OUR DOUBTS, FEARS, LIMITATIONS AND INSECURITIES…
ONLY THROUGH DECENCY, RESPECT, COMPASSION AND KINDNESS CAN WE EVER HOPE TO BECOME A PERSON WORTHY OF EXCELLENCE…
ONLY BY LETTING GO OF WHO WE THOUGHT WE ‘SHOULD‘ BE, CAN WE FINALLY BECOME WHO WE REALLY ARE!
In Order to Move Forward, We Have to Go Back, And Take a Look Inside…
Do you overthink, overempathise or undervalue your personal worth by prioritising others in an attempt to garner validation? Do you identify with naturalism, sceptisism, reason, rationality, science and atheism? Do you believe that ethics should place all sentient individuals (i.e., conscious beings) at the centre of moral concern and that it is patently immoral to unfairly discriminate against anyone on the basis of arbitrary traits beyond their control? Are you having difficulty being open, honest and authentic within your community, close circle of friends or members of your family, for whatever reason? Do you find it impossible to properly articulate what you believe and who you are, while living in constant fear, doubt and insecurity? Do you feel trapped in uncertainty and confusion, unsure of where to turn for help in breaking through the barriers preventing you from living a truly remarkable life?
Does any of the above resonate with you?
If so, we invite you to join The Public Server as we help you overcome the obstacles preventing you from ‘coming out‘, as it were, and being the unapologetic, genuine person you are; someone truly worthy of respect, dignity, acceptance and excellence.
Introduction
The status quo has corrupted us. Society has taught us to believe that just because something is, or has always been, a particular way that this fact alone somehow makes it correct; when, in fact, the contrary is often the case. It’s time we removed our initial programming (from childhood), question everything we believe (figuring out why we believe it and whether it is true) and then do the hard work of rebuilding ourselves based around who we actually are, not who they want us to be!
Our Approach to Personal Development
Many of us (particularly introverts) live our lives in conformity to the dictates of society, thus limiting ourselves and our potential in the process.
We sacrifice our best interests in favour of the whims of those around us.
We stay silent against the injustices that play out at our expense.
The Public Server aims to address and correct the narrative you adopted growing up (whatever that may be), carried with you into adulthood, sabotaging your happiness, sanity, and success to this day.
Whether you’re struggling with the confidence to be yourself around others (i.e., are an introvert) or believe your friends, family and peers won’t accept you because of who you are or what you value (e.g., are an atheist, LGBTQ+, vegan or don’t conform to the status quo of society in one way or another), then stick around for valuable insights, helpful tools & techniques as well as essential resources designed to help you transform into your ideal future self.
This is personal development for anyone tired of trying to live up to the perceived expectations of others, those who have been living in the shadows for far too long and everyone who needs some help becoming the authentic person hidden within who is begging to be unleashed.
some of us have been living a lie for so long, we don’t even know who the hell we are anymore!
Exclusive Spaces
In an effort to keep this site predominantly personal development focussed (appealing to everyone struggling with successfully navigating the abundance of obstacles peppered throughout life), we thought it would be a great idea to create SPACES specifically catering towards the four personal identifiers outlined above:
- Introverts;
- Atheists;
- LGBTQ+; and
- Vegans.
These are the four categories of people we believe are most affected by the status quo; those tasked with essentially coming out to the world rather than simply being who they are or the person they would like to be.
Why?
- Because ‘we live in an extroverted world‘, introverts tend to let society use them as its personal doormat by limiting their own needs, desires, passions, interests, preferences and autonomy (amongst other things) in favour of the demands, desires, passions, interests and preferences of everyone else.
- Because ‘we live in a religious world’, atheists are forced to come out as such if they wish to live authentically (often being required to explain and defend their incredulity, which is extremely ironic, if you ask me), as it is simply assumed that one is religious, believes in a god or gods or is, at the very least, “spiritual”, until they admit to their exclusively-secular position.
- Because ‘we live in a heteronormative world’, LGBTQ+ individuals are forced to come out as such if they wish to live authentically. The assumption is always that one is cisgender and heterosexual until otherwise advised.
- Because ‘we live in a carnist world’, vegans are compelled to come out as such if they wish to live authentically. The expectation is that one consumes animal products until they specifically reject this societal norm (usually followed by aggressive derision by those with whom they previously engaged in such behaviour).
How to Lose Friends & Upset People
This space is designed to specifically address introverts’ desperate desire to be liked by everyone, all the time, at any cost!
(includes exclusive updates & an eBook).
The Sceptic's Guide to Escaping Bullsh*t
This space is designed explicitly with the sceptical atheist in mind; those looking to navigate reality through the lens of rationality, logic and reason, in a world where appealing to the supernatural and working on faith is considered commonsensical.
Straight Until Proven Gay
This space is specifically designed with the LGBTQ+ in mind; those looking to find themselves and live authentically in a heteronormative, cisgender world.
For the Love of Animals
This space is specifically designed with the vegan in mind; those looking to live in alignment with their own moral code, in a world where consuming animal products is seen as perfectly acceptable.
Categories
Gain Perspective
When it comes to personal development, it’s important to be able to take a step back from your personal circumstances and take a look at things from a different angle. That’s where The Public Server comes in. We’re here to provide you with that much needed perspective when you feel like there’s no way out.
Get Active
Poor health feeds into and infects every other aspect of our lives. It’s insidious because it can go on undetected indefinitely (as we struggle to hunt down the source of our problems). Half the battle is won when we have taken care of our nutrition, fitness, strength, hygiene and sleep.
Make Connections
The crux of the issue! Our dysfunctional relationship with other people in this world is, we believe, at the root of our unhappiness and lack of progress. If we can find a way to live our lives without concerning ourselves with being liked all the time, we will no longer suffer the unbearable levels of stress, anxiety and depression we currently experience.
Break Free
Putting all of the pieces of the puzzle together! Breaking Free requires that we take action on everything we know, never stop learning and growing, and live in unity with our values as much as is practical and possible. Truly breaking free requires that we take all the necessary steps to escape the mediocre life destined for far too many people.
Introverts
Our primary audience! Perhaps caring about the opinions of others isn’t exclusive to introverts, but allowing this to consume almost every waking moment of one’s existence most definitely seems to be. We focus on introverts because of their susceptibility to agreeability and the negative consequences of this behaviour.
Atheists
Atheism is merely scepticism in action; albeit regarding a very niche claim. Scepticism is simply taking the position of refusing to be convinced of something until it is adequately shown to be true. Religion and a god-belief may be a niche topic, but it is something that is prolific in society and remains the status quo.
LGBTQ+
Although society has made significant progress regarding basic human rights for all people, the standard narrative and status quo remains heterosexual and cisgender. As with atheists, our aim is to help those struggling to live authentically and open up about who they are without dreading the possible consequences, do so by recognising their inherent worth.
Vegans
Unlike atheism and LGBTQ, what veganism advocates for not only brushes up against the status quo, it challenges something so ingrained and normalised in society (even to this day) that the message is regarded as radical and extreme. TPS hopes to provide resources to help vegans cope with living in a non-vegan world.
Do you ever feel uncomfortable in your own body or find that you often want to slip away from the world and just be alone?
We’ve been there. And it sucks!
If you need a hand with finding the confidence to just be yourself, be assertive or communicate with others more effectively, we highly recommend you sign up for our FREE ‘Just Getting Started’ email course.
Over the period of 5 days, we’ll be sending you five emails with actionable advice you can implement right away to get some small, easy wins to give you that much-needed confidence boost to take on more challenging activities.
The idea behind this strategy is that when you achieve something small, yet significant, this signals to your brain that you can overcome a slightly bigger obstacle…
And then, soon enough, you will find that the big, scary thing you could hardly even think about not that long ago without initiating a severe anxiety attack is not actually as bad as you initially thought it would be.
The first step in anything we do is to JUST GET STARTED!
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
And Links to Help You Find the Answers You’ve Been Looking For
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
And Third Party Links
You Will Get Through This Night
“Danisnotonfire was one of the very first YouTubers I watched (back in the day when YT was just starting out) and I resonated with them from the get-go. As I grew up, I started to move away from that sort of content but was intrigued when I heard Dan wrote a book about mental health. I highly recommend it. Easy to read (or listen to) and there is a lot to take away. You won’t regret this one.” – Bradley Dorfan
You Will Get Through This Night is a practical guide to taking control of your mental health for today, tomorrow and the days after, from the Sunday Times best-selling author and beloved entertainer. Daniel Howell. In conjunction with a qualified psychologist, this book is written in an entertaining and personal way from the perspective of someone who has been through it all. This no-nonsense book gives you the tools to understand your mind so you can be in control and really live.
Start Here With Mel Robbins
I have thoroughly enjoyed this podcast; so much so that I’ve listened to it multiple times. There is only one season with 13 episodes so far, but that’s more than sufficient considering Mel covers almost every aspect of our lives we could possibly think of. Each episode is about 30 minutes long and you won’t walk away without learning something new about how to tackle life’s biggest problems.
“This is Mel Robbins like you’ve never heard her before, talking directly to you, delivering empowering pep talks that arm you with the tools you need for the challenges we all face. You’ll discover that you’re smart enough to become financially free, and there are simple things you can do to lower your stress and even get a better night’s sleep, all of which are going to give you a better life. Every pep talk in Start Here with Mel Robbins will leave you energized, inspired, and ready to take action.”
Mark Manson
Marketed as “life advice that is science-based, pragmatic, and non-bullshitty – a.k.a., life advice that doesn’t suck“, Mark Manson definitely delivers. His articles are thought-provoking and unique and he is certainly an inspiration to The Public Server. We highly recommend you visit his website and take a look around.
More Than Just TPS
Hi, it’s Brad here. I just wanted to use this module/block as an opportunity to thank you for supporting TPS. As you know, I created TPS with the goal of improving people’s lives by using reason, rationality, empathy, philosophy, and morality. I aim to do this through education, what I’ve learnt, the cumulative knowledge of those who shape the direction of TPS as well as nuggets of wisdom I pick up along the way. I am a sentientist (see the FAQ section above) and, as such, I personally research issues surrounding theism, human rights, animal rights, the LGBTQ community as well as philosophy & psychology. If you are interested in these topics or would just like to see what I get up to outside of TPS and personal development, you can follow me on my social handles by clicking this module.
Until next time, take it easy.
Don't Forget To Laugh
We can often take life too seriously, burn out or get depressed. So, it’s important to schedule in regular breaks from the daily grind and, for us, there’s no greater remedy for the blues than some light-hearted comedy.
In this regard, we can’t get enough of the Impractical Jokers. Not only do they deliver on some unexpected laugh-out-loud moments, but they also teach us some important lessons in self-esteem. Many of us would be terrified to partake in most of the challenges on the show, but this is more of a reflection on us and our people-pleasing tendencies than it is on the difficulty of the challenge. If we didn’t care so much about what other people thought of us, we wouldn’t be so hesitant to try a lot of what they do on the show.
Fearless Motivation
For a shot of energy through speeches and music, visit Fearless Motivation if you ever require a pick-me-up to go along with your coffee or some much-needed perspective. They have inspired us to push through when the going gets tough and you can even listen to their content on the move. We have curated some of their best stuff (and continue to add to that list) in a playlist created on Apple Music. Be sure to add this playlist to your library, as we will be updating the selection periodically.
Coaching Call
Latest posts by Bradley Dorfan (see all)
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- A (Moral) Philosophy to End Them All - August 6, 2021