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INTRODUCTION
Okay, so before we begin, we really encourage you, as you make your way through this article, to think about how ‘gaining perspective‘ could be used as an essential tool in improving your wellbeing or, at the very least, why it is such an important concept to be aware of in our journey through life.
In a broad sense, to gain perspective is to choose a better reality than the one we have become accustomed to, and we do so by changing the way in which we show up in life as well as by challenging the status quo.
Perhaps it’s a good idea to get some definitions going.
I like this explanation of what it means to gain perspective from ‘RY’:
“To gain perspective means you know how to change the meaning of a circumstance. Your new perspective changes the meaning of the event, which changes the feelings you have in response, which changes what actions you take.” 1
The definitions of perspective that we should keep in mind for the purposes of this article are:
- the appearance of viewed objects with regard to their relative position, distance from the viewer, etc;
- a view or prospect;
- a particular attitude towards or way of regarding something; a point of view; and
- a true understanding of the relative importance of things; a sense of proportion.
This post is dedicated to the presentation of thoughts, ideas, concepts, opinions and beliefs that we believe are foundational constructs, setting the groundwork for any self-development undertaking.
To gain perspective, we must:
- Adjust our attitude towards life itself;
- Learn to appreciate our intrinsic worth in this world;
- Be quicker to give than to take;
- Be quicker to forgive than to anger;
- Determine those aspects of existence which are the most important in the grand scheme of things and then just abandon the rest — you don’t need them;
- Scrutinize the ‘so-called’ facts being touted as the truth;
- Try to understand where other people are coming from; and
- Realise that nobody really knows what the fuck is going on.
And then, like a muscle, we must train ourselves to always keep this perspective every time it feels like our world is going to shit or that nobody understands us or that perfection is this elusive, yet achievable, ideal that seems to find some but is destined to escape us.
There are a few key thoughts, ideas, concepts, opinions and beliefs we ought to contemplate, focus on and make decisions about (such as whether it makes sense, to us, to implement them moving forward) in furtherance of our primary efforts to escape mediocrity, become our ideal future selves and, ultimately, be moved to matter.
Please take note and be aware of the fact that the thoughts, ideas, concepts, opinions and beliefs presented herein are those of TPS and may include subject matter that is controversial or that some people may find offensive.
Further, please take note and be aware of the fact that the thoughts, ideas, concepts, opinions and beliefs regarding subject matter that is considered controversial or offensive is only perceived that way because of our ingrained thoughts, ideas, concepts, opinions and beliefs.
We challenge you to proceed with an open mind and question everything… even this!
LEARN TO LISTEN AND LISTEN TO LEARN
“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it”
as Aristotle never supposedly said.
We should listen to one another more, realising that we are not obliged to accept the information being communicated to us as undeniable fact; we should really listen to the other person to discover their beliefs and viewpoints.
Top tip: remember that offense is taken, not given; so try not take things personally.
As difficult as it is to have to endure an opinion in direct opposition to your own and, at the same time, not get defensive about it, try not integrate what is being said as an assertion of fact.
Rather let it go, focus on the person and not the actual words being spoken and always remember that emotion outweighs evidence when it comes to the advocation of a belief.
And, on the topic of defensiveness, here’s a quick thought on why this happens using a string of events as an example:
- Somebody says something that we disagree with because it challenges our beliefs;
- We then feel personally insulted by the statement and our emotions go haywire;
- Usually things are said matter-of-factly, so we start to question our beliefs;
- All hell breaks loose as we angrily defend our position on the subject;
- Or we die a little bit inside because doubt has crept in and stolen a piece of something we hold dear to our hearts;
- Either way, we seem to ignore all the reason and evidence we used in forming our belief in the first place;
We can eliminate the desire to become defensive if we can embrace the fact that:
- Everybody has the right to an opinion;
- Just because somebody states something as a fact doesn’t mean they know what they are talking about or the evidence they are relying on is legitimate; and
- Entertaining a thought does not constitute its acceptance.
And on the topic of conflicting evidence; don’t let this be a source of anxiety.
The age of the internet means that everybody and their grandma is an expert on everything.
Believe us, for every source of information you have in support of something, there is someone else with evidence contradicting it.
Be scrupulous with the quality of the sources you choose when selecting evidence to support your beliefs.
Sometimes not even the ‘experts‘ have a clue, none of us do!
We certainly don’t — as stated in the intro, we are merely presenting our thoughts, ideas, concepts, opinions and beliefs on certain topics, asking that you consider them with an open mind and challenging you to question everything… even this!
Okay, so you may be asking what is the solution to all of this then?
I mean, if it’s all bullshit anyway, why even go through the trouble of believing anything at all?
Yeah, we get you. But as that saying goes:
“if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything”
In other words, this stuff is essential when it comes to making decisions for ourselves, but completely irrelevant when it comes to discussions of what other people should believe and use in their decision-making process.
Similarly, what other people use in making decisions for their lives doesn’t automatically mean it applies to everything and everyone in every situation.
Our advice? Act in accordance with your values, trust in your decision-making abilities and just make a call.
We are all doing the best we can with the resources we have
I’m sure this has been said, but it bears repeating:
opinions are like assholes, in that everybody has one and most of them stink
We can put ourselves under such extreme pressure to pick a side, have an opinion, be able to support that opinion with “objective fact” (which is usually just the opinion of someone else we respect in a particular field or who we think knows their shit), argue our point with unwavering vigor and then banish the first person who abdicates to ‘the cage of humiliation’.
This is such a pointless game we play.
Gaining perspective here, then, is the act of engaging others with open-ended questions out of genuine curiosity, in order to learn what they believe and why they think the way they do.
It is the art of being able to navigate conversations without being condescending or getting into pointless arguments that just serve to damage rapport.
This is a difficult balancing act, as we don’t want to get into heavy debates on controversial subjects, but we also don’t want to have superficial conversations that merely serve to break an awkward silence.
Maneuvering the pitfalls of being more sociable, communicating more assertively and building strong, valuable relationships is covered in more detail in the Make Connections section of TPS.
We also give you some foundational tips and tricks on this topic in our FREE beginner Just Getting Started e-Course, which you can implement immediately to help you think differently and take on the world from a whole new perspective.
PEOPLE-PLEASING WILL GET YOU NOWHERE
“Take the lyre player: he’s relaxed when he performs alone, but put him in front of an audience, and it’s a different story, no matter how beautiful his voice or how well he plays the instrument. Why? Because he not only wants to perform well, he wants to be well-received — and the latter lies outside his control”
— Epictetus
I think somewhere along the line we forgot that we actually have this thing called free will.
You may have heard of it.
It seems, as we grow up and have encounters with other people, a strange phenomenon unfolds.
Our spirits are gradually crushed, our expectations are slowly diminished and our enthusiasm for new experiences becomes near nonexistent.
What was once a care-free and curious young human, so excited to try new things and learn and grow, succumbs to negative incidences and begins to develop certain constraints regarding their interaction with the world.
Every decision we make is calculated to shield us from the pain of humiliation, failing to measure up to a perceived standard or simply being disliked.
Gaining perspective here, then, is all about discovering how to start trusting in our own decision-making abilities, how to start acting on our own needs and wants rather than the perceived desires of those around us, how to start being realistic about the impact of our decisions on the lives of other people, how to start thinking independently of all the noise surrounding us and how to start reallocating our fucks away from those who only give a fuck about themselves and towards becoming the absolute best version of ourselves.
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do”
— Epictetus
This behaviour of acting in accordance with our perceptions of society’s expectations and only doing something if we know that it will be ‘well-received‘ is just a bad habit we need to unlearn and replace with more supportive and positive ones, like self-compassion and assertiveness.
As stated above, the reactions of society are really out of our control. We can only control our own attitudes, decisions and reactions to the world.
Our advice? Act in accordance with your values, trust in your decision-making abilities and just make a call.
Be honest with yourself and be kind to yourself.
It’s not like you’re going out there with harmful intentions, it’s just that sometimes you make bad choices in the moment.
Again, we are all doing the best we can with the resources we have
Empathy will set you free.
It is also important to note, here, that we are dealing with other human beings, with their own history, struggle and pain.
None is better or worse than another. None has any right to superiority over another.
Nobody holds dominion over adversity, struggle and pain. We all have to endure hardship.
We know this next bit is very controversial, but ask yourself: is it possible for someone to understand, sympathise with and even empathise with the objectively more severe plight of another, yet suffer more greatly from objectively trivial grievances?
Regardless of whether you agree with the above statement, we assert that it is all relative, it is all subjective and it is all just a matter of perspective.
Don’t let yourself or others demean, devalue or discount the vicissitudes of your life, just because worse things can and have happened to other people.
Therefore, strive to act from a place of empathy (i.e., — ask yourself to find the most innocent reason why another might have acted or spoken in a particular manner) before passing judgment.
“never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by ignorance” – Hanlon’s Razor
This is not to say don’t be cautious, but most people never act with bad intentions, they just make bad decisions.
Also, read that last sentence again and apply it to the concept of self-compassion.
I can’t stress this enough — we are all doing the best we can with the resources we have
Sure, we make mistakes, but we shouldn’t be afraid of making them.
We need to find a way to take a leap of faith, go with our guts, make decisions that align with our personal values, forgive ourselves when we fuck up and trust in our ability to handle any outcome and figure things out.
EDUCATION IS KEY
Especially self-education.
If we take it upon ourselves to acquire and accumulate quality knowledge from the wealth of information available at our fingertips, instead of vegetating in front of the television every chance we get, this act alone is guaranteed to place us in a far more advantageous position over the majority of those around us.
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth”
— Marcus Aurelius.
We must ensure that we are constantly reading, learning and growing.
The more ideas we expose ourselves to, the more we open our minds to different perspectives and the more empathetic we become to divergent philosophies, then the more likely we are to develop a cogent belief system.
In essence, the more knowledge we gain and the further we develop our beliefs, opinions and values, the greater an understanding we ironically develop regarding the fact that there really isn’t a universal truth for most things; that we all act in accordance with the best evidence we have at our disposal at a particular point in time.
It is our responsibility to equip ourselves with a significant arsenal of quality evidence to support our personal truths but, at the same time, strive to understand other people’s perspectives before jumping to conclusions.
In the same breath, it is imperative that we concern ourselves only with collecting that information which is important to us, relevant to our lives and serves us in a particular endeavour.
We ought not waste our time on frivolous searches in a vain attempt to uncover the truth on insignificant shit.
I mean, how often do we find ourselves in an information vortex getting frothy at the mouth about things that don’t actually matter, at least not to us in our present situation or circumstances?
These may be worthy causes or ideals but, if they are preventing you from making something of yourself, or they are actively hurting your mental wellbeing, it may be worth considering putting them aside for now.
In other words, unless you have your shit together in all the places that matter, the ‘cause’ you should be focussing on is you and figuring out how to get your shit together, especially if you plan to help other people get their shit together.
Secure your own mask first, before assisting others.
It’s about choices, and we believe that nothing else matters until we are financially, psychologically and physically secure in our lives.
Nobody knows jack about shit
We really are living in a time of information overload, and we have to become very intentional with what we choose to dedicate our hours to; what we choose to believe.
As stated in the intro, nobody really knows what the fuck is going on!
The argument can even be made that, for the most part, people are just taking chances and talking out of their asses.
For instance, did you know that many sayings we quote were never even said by the people we give attribution?
However, it is not a productive use of our time to go hunting down who said what or whether someone famous said anything at all.
I mean, what’s the point? Because we may make a faux pas by quoting the wrong person and fear the humiliation that may ensue if we’re publicly called out on our indiscretion?
Just do your homework, quote some asshole and get on with life.
Then, when some well-intentioned saint flies in on their magical flaming unicorn to point out, with just a hint of condescension, that you have blatantly misquoted Barney the Dinosaur, quickly look into it, correct your error, apologise if necessary and move the fuck on.
And we do this so much with just about everything; overanalysing shit to the point of catatonia.
That’s why we never get anything done.
We’re so afraid of getting something wrong and being humiliated, we let our distrust in ourselves to act on trustworthy information get in the way of taking a chance, going with our gut and doing something just because we believe in it and want to do it.
Perfectionism is just the excuse we use to procrastinate the important stuff out of fear of not being ‘well-received‘.
Remember, we are all just doing the best we can with the resources we have
Gaining perspective here, then, is doing whatever it takes to cure ourselves of our own ignorance and, perhaps, conclude for ourselves that the vast majority of information on the vast majority of subjects is so overwhelmingly contradictory, that any claim to hold the truth in respect of any matter would merely go to show how little we actually know.
FINAL WORDS OF WISDOM
If it’s toxic, let it go
Notwithstanding anything aforesaid, it is of utmost importance that we remove ourselves from negative, destructive or otherwise toxic environments and people in our lives.
This will be our toughest challenge of all, as all circumstances are unique and, for some of us, getting out of a bad situation is much easier said than done.
But, if you are serious about your personal development, are committed to becoming the empowered individual you can be proud of and wish to foster your ability to gain perspective, you need to do whatever it takes and find a way to escape the chains keeping you down and get the support you need to lift you up.
Top tip: the easiest place to start is the internet. Run far, far away from the toxic negativity and vitriol of angry people and trolls we are willingly exposing ourselves to on the internet and social media every day.
More about this topic is discussed on our Making Connections page.
Focus on significant, relevant and quality information and authorities
As a general rule, we should place significantly greater weight on the opinion of those more successful than ourselves (success determined in accordance with our personal value system and ambition; as success means different things to different people at different times) than the opinion of our peer group or below (peer group meaning those in a similar situation or circumstance).
This is not to say that we are to be so pretentious as to ignore or dismiss the thoughts and feelings of those around us, but logic dictates that the opinion of a person, who has not reached the level of success we desire, on a topic that they know nothing about, is in no position to be doling out advice.
Quick side-note, however — the opinion of someone in our peer group or below with a similar drive and ambition ought to carry more weight than an individual in a similar position who, let’s say, has no drive and ambition.
Because remember that advice and opinions are free, which is why people are so generous in handing them out.
Also, by weight we mean that an opinion will be much more influential in determining our thoughts, beliefs, values, decisions, the risks we are willing to take, the sacrifices we’re willing to make, and so forth.
Put in another way; if our goal is to go from fat to fit, would we consider the advice of an obese person over that of an athlete (notwithstanding advice on what not to do)?
And, taking a more general approach, many people will have an opinion on the choices you will need to consider making during the course of your life, and it is our opinion that you should listen only to those who are as close as possible to achieving, or have already achieved, your desired dreams and goals. Because the loving advice of friends and family about what you should do with your life is usually built upon fear, uncertainty and insecurity.
And, mostly, they are just doing the best they can with the resources they have
We hope that we have repeated things above enough times to drive home the points being made.
Like a muscle, figuring this all out and applying it to your life will require training and intentional mental effort until it becomes second nature.
Remember, it’s all a matter of perspective and nobody actually knows a goddamn thing.
Above all else, people, stay awesome and…
This has been a public service announcement.
Signing off,
Brad
Whew, we made it!
Hey there, it’s Brad again.
Just wanted to pop back in and extend a massive THANK YOU for reading all the way through to the end.
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