Under the Radar

Afraid

Thinking about the direction I wanted to take The Public Server, I changed my mind so many times, I thought I was never going to get it out there.

This is par for the course for me, really… and it was a fact I was afraid would rear its ugly head sooner or later. This, as per usual, kept me from doing much of any real significance for a very long time.

I had allowed fear to rule my behaviour yet again.

Fear! Such a heavy little word.

I’ve felt it pull on my arm and beg me to stay where I am, and I’ve also had it shout at me “you need to get going, like, right the fuck NOW!”

When fear prevents us from taking action, this is actually the manifestation of uncertainty and doubt.

Then, at our lowest, we can become so terrified that not doing something will propel us even further into despair that we can no longer endure the pain of our current circumstances.

The thought of things getting worse forces us to confront the uncertainty inherent in taking a different direction.

Because, in that moment, we become so petrified of falling below the point of no return, we are willing to risk doing something we’ve never done before.

Even if it results in a worse fate, at least there is hope for a better future. And, hope doesn’t exist where we are now.

I must say, the best things I’ve ever done in my life and the most considerable changes I’ve ever made, were initially motivated by fear regarding the direction my life was going.

However, the regrets I have accumulated because I didn’t do something I really wanted to do out of fear causes me so much pain, that I firmly believe the relief generated in the moment by staying small, silent and shy is not worth it at all.

That is why, after seriously considering the audience I should be talking to with my blog, I think I’ve finally settled on the answer — which I am perfectly willing to alter as time moves on.

But, for now, my target audience is… ‘myself’?

Yes, but more specifically, my past self. The scared little boy, so severely crippled by insecurity, uncertainty and fear, he lost out on a lot of opportunities along the way.

I empathise with this person more than anyone else, because he is me, albeit a version who does not know what I know now.

Hidden in Plain Sight and Suffering in Silence

I am talking to the person who is not letting themselves be open, honest and authentic, afraid that who they are is ‘not good enough’, is an imposter, a fraud, unworthy of respect, dignity and love… so they crawl… deeper into their comfort zone and spend most of their time building the walls around them bigger, taller and stronger.

In an effort to shield themselves from the perception of a cruel world that won’t be kind or accepting or loving, they don’t allow themselves the chance to grow.

They don’t give themselves the opportunity to fail, to learn from mistakes made and let the experience teach them the skills they need to become the best version of themselves, to achieve the success they envision for their lives…

They let fear kill their hopes, dreams and desires.

They don’t understand that the haters are just a loud minority struggling to cope with their own reality as it crumbles down around them.

They become the victims of a negative, cynical and angry few who have made it their mission to take as many people down with them as possible.

They can’t appreciate the fact that there are so many people who want to see them succeed and will be there to support them along the way.

They won’t let themselves be just a little bit selfish and explain to those who don’t like what they’re doing, who they are or where they are going, that “you’re just going to have to deal with those feelings and, frankly, it is not my problem”.

They don’t have the courage to stand up and exclaim, “I’m sorry if this upsets you, but it is something I have to do. So, you can either support me… or you can get out of my way!”

Their ego thinks that everything is about them, so they take it all personally and shut down, even though it is a fact that those around them rarely even think about them.

Everyone has their own shit going on, and we are not the centre of the universe.

And, even when we do occupy people’s thoughts, it is probably not as negative as we think, at least not the majority of the time.

And, when it is, as they say, ‘other people’s opinions about us are none of our business’.

So, I say to that person… I say to myself… get over yourself and stop hiding behind fear regarding everything you want to do in your life.

Take care of yourself first, and only think about others when you have your own shit figured out.

Introvert; Atheist; Gay; Vegan.

So, who are these individuals, hiding themselves from the world, and putting their best interests aside for the trivial demands, emergencies and feelings of everyone else?

Well, I’m specifically looking at all of this from the point of view of an introvert, atheist, LGBTQ+ individual and/or vegan.

Why, you ask?

Well, Introverts, generally speaking, tend to put themselves down while allowing the world to use them as a doormat.

Those who identify as LGBTQ+ have most probably been confronted with theism or some other intolerant worldview, been forced to question themselves as a result and gone on to investigate whether the claims being made against them are valid and true and whether they really are an abomination.

Atheists are more likely to live their lives in accordance with reason, rationality and objective reality, rather than conclude a supernatural cause whenever a natural explanation hasn’t been presented.

The atheist’s morality does not stem from scripture, but rather an appreciation of wellbeing, and that it is in our best interests to promote general happiness over unnecessary suffering in society.

Vegans wish to extend this moral framework to necessarily incorporate animals as part of the equation, by educating humanity that there is no reasonable, rational or justifiable reason to torture and kill animals, other than for our own selfish gain.

All categories tie into one another and, even if some of my audience resonates with only one or two of them, I’m confident they’ll appreciate the lived experience of those identifying with another category on the list.

From my point of view, they are all linked in some important ways. For instance, they are not the status quo, they are not the automatic assumption, and they are not always well-received by all society.

Whatever the introvert feels, thinks or believes, he will usually keep it to himself if he recognises that it will result in conflict, confrontation or humiliation if it were to come out.

The atheist is often dismissed as ignorant, stupid or outright evil by the religious majority.

Homosexuals are forced into hiding from birth, are expected to justify their sexuality in a heteronormative society and can often find themselves victims of bigotry, hatred and violence even to this day.

The vegan is painted with the ‘extremist’ brush by society while the world systematically enslaves, rapes, tortures and murders trillions of sentient life every year.

It is possible that many people from these groups don’t have any problem living happy, healthy and authentic lives.

However, I believe there are some who are living in fear that, should they reveal who they are or that they don’t conform to what is considered ‘normal’, that their very lives could be in jeopardy.

Atheism

I don’t hate religion… well, I did, but now my beliefs are grounded in logic, rationality and good evidence.

I don’t have a problem with religion, per se, I just can’t bring myself to believe extraordinary claims on insufficient evidence.

It’s not that I don’t believe in god, it’s that I have not been convinced of his existence.

He could very well exist.

However, it appears that he has gone to great lengths to deceive humanity regarding his nature, plan and very existence.

But, I suppose that’s because I don’t believe, right?

Because, when it comes to religion, it’s not ‘I’ll believe it when I see it’… no, it’s ‘I’ll see it when I believe it’.

How absurd; in no other area of our lives do we reach conclusions in such a nonsensical way, let alone the most important conclusions, the one’s that have a profound effect on our lives.

I do, however, take issue when intolerant ideas manifest as oppressive behaviour and begin to infringe on the rights of others.

When I was a kid trying to come to terms with my sexuality, threats of hell terrified the living shit out of me.

I mean, we can’t so much as think an innocent lustful thought without feeling god creep his way into our brain and corrupt it into something truly ugly, disturbing, disgusting, abnormal and foul.

They call it ‘thought crime’… I call it manipulation tactics used to control absolutely every aspect of our lives.

It’s pure evil, in my opinion. Spreading fear like it’s some sort of gift. Marketing hate and wrapping it in an illusion of love and respect.

“I don’t have a problem with how you live your life, but god does, and it’s best that you just do what he says and conform based on what I tell you and beg for his forgiveness… or else! Because he loves you.”

“God’s representatives” have convinced us that we are born ‘in sin’ — whatever the fuck that means —, that only they have a cure for our disease and that, if we refuse to submit to their specific flavour of dogma… well, then their all-powerful, omnibenevolent deity will become so supremely disappointed in our inability to bring ourselves to believe in his existence (with no justification and with strong evidence to the contrary) that he will be left with no other option — ‘forced’, one could argue — than to subject us to an eternity of unimaginable, unbearable and unrelenting agony, misery and anguish.

Guaranteed, this toxic message that god loves us, but he will send us to burn and suffer and choke and scream forever and ever with no hope or chance or wish or possibility of any absolution — infinite torture for the finite crime of not succumbing to a fiction, masquerading as a fact, forcibly shoved down the throat of civilised society and justified using feeble evidence — has done more psychological damage to developing minds around the world than anything else I can think of.

It boggles the brain that something that relies so heavily on faith — believing in something with no good, rational reason to do so — is still given so much privilege and power in this day and age, is still allowed to peddle its bigotry and hate packaged as messages of peace, love and compassion, without repercussion, and still manages to convince otherwise rational, intelligent and brilliant people.

They say everyone is entitled to their opinion… that I shouldn’t force mine on others… that I’m ‘just as bad as the fundamentalist’.

I say religion forces its opinion onto civilised society all the bloody time and has done so, with devastating effect, throughout history.

I say religion’s day is done and the time has come to call people out on their bullshit, especially when they try to sell it to us as fact.

Facts require evidence and your god is yet to come to the party… so this is just one opinion I am going to have to ask you to prove beyond ANY AND ALL doubt… because faith, unfortunately, is simply not good enough.

LGBTQ+

As I mentioned, I wish to talk to groups that are not part of the status quo, as it were, which brings me to the LGBTQ+ community.

I started coming out to friends and family towards the end of 2014 and the beginning of 2015, so I was 23 at the time.

I can’t locate the precise moment I knew I was different — maybe around 10 or 11, but I think I always knew.

I have never been attracted to the opposite gender in quite the same way as I am to my own one. There have been times when I have felt something, but I’ve never been compelled to pursue it any further.

It’s different when it comes to guys that I am attracted to, because I will naturally engage with the intention of seeing where things go.

Personally, I agree with the ‘Kinsey Scale’, in that I believe we all fall on a scale of sexual orientation, with nobody truly being exclusively heterosexual or homosexual.

I have found that people are just physically attracted to certain features and that those features (whatever they are) tend to reflect either predominantly in one or the other gender.

So, you could say we are physically attracted to something that mainly appears in boys or girls, but maybe it’s not necessarily about gender… at least not all of it.

I now know pretty much the features I’m looking for in another person when considering physical attractiveness. And I also know which personalities I’m generally compatible with.

It’s more of an art than a science, but what I’m trying to say is that we should all try figure out what we are attracted to and not be so preoccupied with gender (necessarily).

I think the LGBTQ+ community has shown us that it is more about individuals and preferences than anything else; that confining ourselves to a box is not always helpful.

I know that I am gay (maybe a 5 on the ‘Kinsey Scale’) but I also realise that some people require a far more complex level of understanding when it comes to orientation and identity; that to assume things about a person just by looking at them (especially in the 21st century) is more a reflection of our lack of true empathy and imagination than it is of that person’s mental or emotional state.

I like using the phrase ‘straight until proven gay’ (having a legal background), because that is how I felt in my late teens and how it still feels sometimes.

Again, people will say shit like, ‘I don’t have a problem with gays, I just don’t want them forcing their opinion on me’.

Seriously, though? Fuck you!

As we grow up, society forces this cisgender heterosexual narrative on everyone, which has created this fucked up system where, if you fit in like a square peg in a round hole, you are the weirdo that bears the burden of explaining to everybody else who you are and why.

I remember as a kid finding it absolutely frustrating when adults would talk about ‘me and my girlfriend’, if there so happened to be a girl around me at the time. I wonder why they didn’t make a similar comment when I was with a boy.

We don’t think of these things, but it all adds up to a culture where being called gay at school becomes the biggest insult and those who exhibit ‘gay traits’ are called out, shamed and bullied.

I spent a lot of my childhood thinking there was something horribly wrong with me… I was this thing that everyone seemed to despise.

So, I did everything in my power to act as straight as possible. I was constantly aware of what I said and how I said it, how I walked, how I sat and pretty much how I conducted myself in public… I made sure I did everything I could to push down ‘the gay’ inside me.

Already being an introvert, I went completely under the radar, hoping nobody would find out whom I really was… because who I really was, nobody seemed to like and sometimes even hated enough to resort to violence because of it.

Vegan

Maybe you’re thinking this is a strange one, but I refer you back to the status quo.

I mean, is it not the normal state of affairs for people in society right now to eat meat… you know, the flesh of dead animals?

I keep hearing people say that certain groups (such as vegans) are ‘extreme’ and that people mustn’t force their beliefs on others.

This is true in some contexts… like people proselytising and trying to sell bullshit as an actual fact without evidence to support their assertion (e.g., theism).

However, when a vegan activist protests animal cruelty in factory farms and, just generally, around the world (which should be enough to get any good person to make the simple choice to stop supporting institutions that are perpetuating this violence), they are called ‘too extreme’ and are told to shut up and stop forcing their opinion on the rest of the world.

All I have to say to that is this:

TORTURING ANIMALS TO DEATH is fucking extreme!

The world is constantly forcing its opinion onto society but, because certain ‘opinions’ remain largely unchallenged, people fail to recognise this.

Unfortunately, it is only when prevailing norms are challenged, that significant changes can be made.

In other words, by remaining silent and doing nothing, we allow gross atrocities to carry on unpunished.

All that is required for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing — Edmund Burke

Abusing animals for our selfish gain is a given in society at the moment.

When we have to check whether cruelty is included in our meal every time we buy something to eat, because the exploitation of animals pervades almost every item on the menu… that’s what I call forcing an opinion!

Conclusion

I’ll end this article here, as I’ll be covering these topics in a lot more detail in future posts.

Whatever you identify with and wherever you are in your life, don’t let the world drown out your voice or trample your dreams.

Your personal success is more important than the opinions of those around you.

Nobody is perfect, so keep that in mind the next time you allow someone else to put you down.

People will always have something to say, they will always be offended by something, and they will always try to make you feel guilty for not doing exactly what they want you to do.

But blaming the world for where we are in life means that we’ve given others power over our lives.

It is absolutely imperative that we take back control of our own lives by taking responsibility for ourselves.

A predominantly extroverted world will speak and walk all over the introvert who remains silent and lets certain injustices go on unchallenged over and over again.

A dwindling religious majority will continue to impose its unsupported beliefs on society if the atheist concludes that the theist’s right to freedom of religion supersedes his right to freedom of expression.

We must demand that the theist provide a rational justification for his extraordinary claims when he tries to preach about the moral superiority of a supernatural being in an attempt to manipulate those around him.

A bigoted minority will always try to justify their hate in some or other way. That being said, my dear LGBTQ+ friends, please believe me when I say that these people are becoming the outliers of society, as most of the world errs on the side of equality. The world is finally acknowledging that everybody is different, yet we all deserve to be treated with the same levels of dignity and respect as everybody else.

It is because of this that we must ensure we aren’t demanding special treatment because of past injustices or conflating people’s innocent ignorance with antagonistic contempt towards our identity.

We should educate those who are open to learning about this growing community, and we must call out those who seek to oppress us or discriminate against us… but we also ought to caution against taking everything personally and attacking those who make a sincerely ignorant remark.

The worst I have come across is the treatment of vegans by an anti-vegan elite.

It is tragically ironic that someone, in an attempt to passionately educate others about the animal atrocities being committed, will simultaneously be labeled ‘an extremist’ while also being viciously attacked for pointing out the moral hypocrisy through which some people live their lives.

Introvert, atheist, gay, vegan — I am all of these things, but also so much more.

If you identify as one or more of these groups, please join The Public Server as we unpack the issues regarding how we can prosper in this world, despite being different… because we are different.

We encourage you to do whatever it takes to believe in yourself, be strong in your convictions and stop hiding inside your comfort zone.

Challenge your mind. Improve your life. Change the world!

Be moved to matter.

Whew, we made it!

Hey there, it’s Brad again.

Just wanted to pop back in and extend a massive THANK YOU for reading all the way through to the end.

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